I've been feeling a little suffocated nowadays, with the grades, tests, assignments and studies. Yes, all I can do is to count. And the feeling of failure had made me turned into a loser. What a loser have other than excuses? GUILTY. Or the other way around. And being a loser + not doing anything to change it is even more pathetic.
I haven't talk/discuss with anyone of things that have been bugging me, but I got inspired from other sources. Yay, the wonder of world wide web (since I've been reading articles online)
"verily after each difficulity, there is a relief..."
However, most of the time, we didn't see the relief and start sighing over another difficulty. *sigh (sila jangan tiru saya)
True, one comes after another. But what we've forgotten to do is to count the blessings and graces.
So, I did the thinking and sorted out (partially) about my 'problem'
Maybe, the whole problem started from the very start :
Jika kamu ragu bekerja kerana gentar menghadapi kritikan, pasti kamu tidak akan mampu bekerja selama-lamanya. Tetapi kerjakanlah apa yang kamu yakini kebenarannya, jelas kegunaannya, diridhai oleh Rabbmu dan terpuji di kalangan para ulama’ yang ikhlas, meskipun kamu dibenci dan dimaki sepanjang hidupmu oleh para pendengki, tetapi di antara mereka pasti ada yang senang kepada kamu setelah kamu meninggal dunia.
– Mustafa Masyhur
I wasn't too sincere in the whole thing. Check.
I keep thinking why I was where I am today. Check
I keep wondering what if I wasn't here and chosen the other way. Check
Nawaitu is the first and most important thing in everything. I should get that straight first.
Then, work hard to sort and repair the damages done.
After that,
"Allahu Akbar……is to know that you can leave your affairs to Him and never be let down."
Allah have plans designed for each of us. Surely.
Hopefully one day I would remember these kind of moments and
"I miss my uni days when my biggest problem is to pass a paper"
*Disclaimer:You are reading this and you don't get what I'm talking about, thats normal. It just one my "bad-day entry" and self-pity wonder.
eh
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